Oops

I have pissed off most of everyone because I ask difficult questions: In my case they are encapsulated in an email to the CMT called "where's the limit?" What IS the policy on supplying goods to clinics which are NOT medical? Why DO we give bicycles to clinics to do EPI, and if we give bikes out WHY should WE be responsible for maintenance? Isn't it enough to donate the bikes and allow for participation and ownership in the vaccination program by allowing the bike users to maintain them? AND how should we pay for a clinic construction upgrade when we are already OVERBUDGET on almost ALL line items? Why are we supplying kerosene to clinics for their vaccination fridges when the MOH is clearly the operator and this is way out of our business plan? How many more chairs and tables do I need to supply because it seems to me we have constructed enuf in the last year to furnish a complete village (ie we should better go and find all the pieces which walked than spend more money replacing items YOU should have been protecting).

So you see, every question I pose challenges and threaten the medical staff. It challenges them because they do not know the answer (as first missioners) and because they have no support or guidance from CMT (also first missioners, and also because they have their own problems, not so much interest/ability to support the field. There is an overwhelming lack of guidance, both for mission stuff but also for 'THEM' and living stuff). Threatens them because they are narrow in their focus; they only want to save lives and reduce suffering. So every bump and hurdle and obstacle (which is what each question is) is something they do not want to deal with, and more importantly the answers to the questions may cause them to stop (or limit) something they want to do as reducing suffering or saving lives. Hence the anger and frustration directed to me are founded on fear. It is possible that being more selective may actually give a greater impact to fewer people. Nevertheless, the anger and frustration med staff possess is real. It is also contradictory to team development, and it leaves me wanting to not be here.

Some of the questions I have asked has forced the Finco to write three policy notices so far. What is up with that? Obviously there was NO policy or no one asked the obvious?

An experienced MD from Canada and as the visiting TB expert last week was the only person I have met who understood the value of logistics due to her years of experience in the field with THEM. At the team meeting, she was the only one who tried to communicate to the team in support of my discussion item - while the team rallied and cried and beat their chest against me once again. It clearly showed me that a mission full of newbies is destined to fail...or the battle for development will be huge as the wheel is reinvented. By the by, the team did not listen to the breadth of her experience.