Cross-Cultural Confusions

This is an email I sent to my 'date manager' Russ in an flanking attempt:


Hey Bang,
We were talking about examples of how cross-cultural communication sometimes causes confusion and misinterpretations as we go through our daily lives. And how I seem to cause most of them... I have another example for you to consider:

We were talking about dating and how we see several approaches to dating here in the Philippines which are culturally based. We see the "friend set-up" and we see the "group date" phenomenia.

While in Canada, if you remember our conversation, we tend to try to be more independent in the way we go through life. If you recall, I described how we do domestic chores such as the cooking, cleaning and washing as a source of pride in being independent. No body likes to do these things, but these are things which need to be done. [coincidentally, as a side bar it is interesting to me how surprised everyone is when they find out I cook and clean - it is true: I am a man, and a foreign 'expat' AND I do it all without the help of a woman.] While I understand that not everyone in the Philippines have domestic assistants, it is a situation which is accepted, acceptable and often desired. So while we do sometimes have friends set us up in relationships, it is not as common as it seems to be here. This is not good or bad. Just different.

Here is another example: In our developing relationships, particularly in the early stages, we in the West tend to be more cautious in the manner we nurture our partnerships. It is a funny connundrum for us in the 'liberal west', but we often approach our relationships with some timidity. Relationships are fostered over weeks or months of single [as opposed to the RP 'group dating' phenonemon] dating before someone can call their partner a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'. As a result, many westerners find relationships which flower too quickly as an intimidating situation. To be fair, there are successful relationships which start quickly, but this is rare and can only occur when both partners share similar ideas about the future.

Feelings of intimidation are particularly apparent in situations where one of the partners is perceived as "coming on too strong". This situation is almost guaranteed to have the recipient partner flee the situation. It is a funny world of dating and Western societies have not mastered it any better than the rest of the world.

Moreover this need to flee, as I have described, can be heightened in the way each person perceives the nature of the relationship. When two people have different ideas about the potential of the newly forming relationship, it is rarely possible for one partner's expectations to successfully overcome all hurdles and forge a meaningful and long-lasting partnership. Whether in Canada or the Philippines this is no different. The cross-cultural confusion comes in the emotions we project. For example, the famous Filipino values of romance and sentiment may allow that anything is possible in a new relationship. So it is possible that Filipinos, through the strength of emotion, believe and subsequently nurture an idea that it is possible to change the mind of a sutor, that he might 'fall in love with me'. And one day all practical reasons, stated or unstated, can be overcome. Canadians tend to be more accepting when life's circumstances dictate when they can't be together beyond defined boundaries.

See how confusing life in a cross-cultural context can be? Not good and not bad. Just different.

Chris